Thursday, September 23, 2010

I will always love you By: Molly Ann

My life hasn't been to interesting till one day I'm sitting in my world history class and my teacher Mr. Wilson called me to talk to him when class was over. My older sister Megan happened to be in my class as well. She had no clue why she "the brain of the class" wasn't asked to stay to do something extra. When the bell rang she took her time getting out of class but that didn't stop Mr. Wilson. "Well Molly your grades are slipping and I see that if something doesn't change soon you will be failing school." I shrugged as if I didn't care if I was some low life bum on the street with no job and no money. He handed me and envelope and stated that he's pretty sure I will like what is inside. I was eager to open it and boy was I surprised A TRIP TO EGYPT? Mr. Wilson smiled and said he wanted me to interview someone and bring it back to him. I couldn't believe that he chose me to do this assignment I thanked him and left the room. Megan quickly followed me I told her how excited I was and if she wanted to come along she could. Megan refused to talk to me for the rest of the night and I packed my things ready to leave my 2 sisters and 3 brothers behind. 
I arrived at Egypt and the sights where beautiful but non as beautiful as a man who introduced himself as Ameen Moussa. I was happy when he agreed to let me interview him. I took some snap shots of him but hardly any of them turned out. He was handsome and so mature and I was just a young teenager who was still trying to figure things out. I got home and told my sister all about Ameen and how I wanted to be with him forever. She thought I was crazy but she also understood that I was a rebel who tended to act out. I invited him to the house a few times but nothing really happened except a few picnics on the beach and friendly conversations about his life in Egypt and his longing for a wife and family but not finding anyone quite yet who fills his heart. I wanted to tell him I was right there in front of him but he was a good man who knew a relationship with me would be disrespectful. When he said good bye I still have a week before I would be a young adult. I kept asking to go back to Egypt but it never happened. I felt as if my life with Ameen was over and I had to move on to something more reasonable. 
I was still in school when my older brother eloped (no pictures) and my oldest sister got married to Adam Gerber. They had the most beautiful wedding on the beach and at this time my photography was getting better so they had me take several wedding pictures. I was happy to help but I longed to have a relationship of my own. They had only one child together and they named her Kristen Breanne Gerber! Their love was so pure and enchanting it made me think of taking pictures of more weddings. That is where I met Santos Martinez. He was a quite wealthy man and a little bit older than me but not by much. He and I talked all the time and he even told me that when I become and adult he was going to ask my parents for my hand. I was so happy and excited to think that I had found my one true love. The next wedding to take place in our family was my sister Megan. she married a man named Justin Oldham who was poor but kind. They had an intimate wedding in the park at the center of town and they went on to have 3 children Ebony, Darren, and Eliza. But here is one of the pictures I took from their wedding.

 I was more than happy to take picturs of  their wedding because it was
Megan and her husband on their wedding day
during the day and I had school :) Yay for skipping school for a good reason. I knew that I was next in line for getting married and I already knew that Santos was going to be my husband. I traveled to Egypt one last time to see if I could find Ameen and he was no where to be found. Knowing that I would never see him again when I became an adult I agreed to marry Santos but I waited 2 weeks before doing so. I was busy helping my sisters and even my brother with their families. I was also busy helping my  mom who was now and elder with a toddler. I was so busy I had no time to think about anything or anyone. My life felt good just me and my camera capturing everyone else in their reality when mine still looked a little dark. On a beautiful August morning Santos invited me to the art museum I wasn't really feeling up to it but it was one of the things we loved to do together. We got there and he started to explain how we were not getting any younger and in order for us to have a healthy family we needed to make the first step in doing so. He got down on one knee and proposed to me. WOW I was shocked and said yes knowing that I did love him and wanted to be happy. I loved kids and wanted a big family we chose to start as soon as possible. Santos even wanted children before we were married. 
As he slipped the ring onto my finger I remembered Ameen and the kiddish love I had for him. I was so young and he was much older then Santos that would have been nothing but heartbreak. Santos and I got busy planning our wedding. I wanted something simple and sweet he wanted something huge and extravagant who knew I was actually going to get my way after promising him we would start trying right away to have a child. I had no idea just how hard that first night was going to be. I was ripped away from my family and was put strait into wife mode. We hardly had time to get dressed before he wanted to try again and again to get me pregnant. It became a chore and I said lets get away. Santos was very specific not to go to Egypt knowing that my kiddish crush lived there. I agreed and so we went to France instead. I was very excited to get a new camera as well and I secretly knew we were pregnant but didn't want Santos to know just yet and tell him in a much neater way that we were going to be parents. I as really falling in to wife mode and I truly loved Santos.
We got to France and we enjoyed so many moments together. We went to the art museum they have there and enjoys the beautiful art work I was taking pictures with my cheap little camera thinking that the next day I would get a nicer one. Santos and I slept in tents and just watched the moon come out and the sun set it was a dream honey moon and the best part was that I wanted to tell him about being pregnant but I wanted to tell him by decorating a baby room and then saying well we will soon know if we need more pink or more blue. but who knew what was going to happen the very next day. We were walking around finding different things we liked and wanted to take home with us. I knew we couldn't spend that much money but Santos was still sure that we needed nothing but the best. I was walking around and started to think wow I'm married to this amazing man who only wants to make me happy what more could a girl ask for and then it happened. Ameen walked in to the room.
I dropped my jaw and doubled checked to make sure I was in France and not Egypt. He explained that he was on a soul search and something lead him to France. I was so excited to catch up and we became best friends Santos even met Ameen and liked him. Santos and I talked about having Ameen come and visit when we got back. Santos was very proud of our life together and I was thinking I would be showing by that time. Needless to say Ameen was more than happy to come and visit us in a week. YIKES a week to prepare for company. Before Ameen left France he told me that he wished I would have waited for him. He told me of his love for me and that seeing me happy brings him great joy but he still felt empty. I was crushed at the fact that he still loved me and just wanted me to be with him. No pressure to have kids or a job or do anything other than him make me happy and put me first. The remainder of the trip Seemed quite cold between myself and Santos I even told him the news of me being pregnant he took it was and was quite pleased but he felt it was not safe for me or the baby to woo hoo during the pregnancy.
That is him being old fashioned. The plans of Ameen visiting were in full swing and i was showing allot when he came up. Since Iregistered as self employed Santos demanded I work while he was at work so we had more time together. I explained to him that while Ameen was here I wanted to show him around and teach him things about the USA that are different from Egypt. Santos agreed that being a good hostess might be in our best interest. Ameen and I enjoyed catching up and he was so interested in hearing about how the pregnancy was going and how I was feeling Santos never did that and The more I spent time with him I realized I had made a big mistake on marrying Santos and not Ameen. When Ameen saw me he couldn't help himself to not tell me is true feeling and I did the same. At that exact moment it happened he took me into a loving embrace and kissed me. I was shocked and couldn't believe that the most handsome man I had ever seen was kissing me and I was pregnant and married.
Just when I think I can't love you more... I DO!
The moment was brief and I even went into labor that night. Ameen and Santos where there when my beautiful daughter Abbie was born. She looked so much like her father but had similar traits of mine. We picked for her to be a genius and artistic. Her birth showed me that being happy wasn't worth jumping threw hoops to try to make it work. A few days had passed and Ameen was still visiting. We agreed to that our love was not over and being together would make both of us happy. We committed our love to each other in a different way, and in a result I had an affair. Ameen went back to Egypt and Santos was so mad at me he couldn't stand the fact that I cheated on him. I chose to get a tattoo to symbolize my love or Ameen and I told myself to never speaking to him again. I knew I had done something horrible by cheating but what was I suppose to do be Santo's slave and baby maker while my true love was out there wanting me and only me to be happy. It made no sense. I loved my daughter and took her every where I did. I felt sick but I felt is was the stress of extra chores that Santos wanted me to do and he would get angry when I didn't woo hoo with him. We lived with my in laws and Santo's teenage brother so that they could help keep an eye on me to make sure I wasn't contacting Ameen. My life became only about my child. The farthest thing from my mind was to have another baby with Santos
but low and behold I found out I was expecting. Santos demanded me tell him who it belonged to. I told him I had only been with Ameen once so the chances of it being Ameens was slim. That wasn't good enough for him he went with me to the doctor and I was secretly happy to hear it was in face Ameen's baby. I couldn't believe it Ameen and I were going to have a baby I called him right away to tell him and Santos was abusive to me during my whole pregnancy and refused to let me see a doctor or read any books. I was scared that my baby would be born with horrible traits because of Santos's anger. Time flew by and I had a feeling that something bad was going to happen so I called Ameen and told him to come visit me since I couldn't visit him with the being pregnant. He told me he would be there in the morning I hung up the phone and went into labor. Santos laughed and sat reading a book while a screamed in pain. My daughter was so young I just remember putting her in her crib and closing the door so she couldn't hear what was going on. But as I was in labor a fire broke loose in the kitchen. I seriously felt as though no one even noticed me in labor.Or Abbie was trapped in the back bedroom. But I managed to give birth and the baby 
was 100% healthy and was given the traits genius and brave. I felt it was fitting since he was born during a fire. Moses was beautiful and I was so happy to have a son to pass Ameen's last name down.  The picture here shows Santos and his father putting out the fire andme seeing Moses for the first time. I knew after seeing Moses that my life with Santos was over but Santos had a plan that he decided to share with me after the fact. We moved out of his parents house and he wanted me to give him a son. I argued that I didn't want him and our daughter needs to be good enough I fell asleep knowing that in the morning I was getting a divorce and that my life with Ameen would begin. I woke up and told Santos thank you for trying to make things work with me after I betrayed you but my heart belongs with someone else and that I can't be unhappy for the rest of my life. He slapped me and thats when I argued back and told him I've had it and broke things off. Even though I loved Ameen and wanted to be with him breaking things off with Santos
wasn't easy because I knew I was pregnant with his second child and I also knew that I didn't want Abbie to not know her father. Santos begged for me to change my mind but my mind was set. He walked into Abbie's room and hugged her good bye. It was a precious moment that is engraved on my heart forever. I told Santos I would have the kids visit him often and that he wouldn't be a stranger to them or me. His demands followed him out the door and I stood there a single mom with three kids. There is no way Ameen would leave Egypt to come be with all of this. As my pregnancy progressed I knew Ameen wanted to come visit Moses for the first time and so I broke down and had him come up for a visit. He walked up to the door and his white hair and wrinkled face told me I had waited to long. But without a moment to stop and think he got down on one knee and proposed to me. Abbie was throwing a fit and Moses was screaming. I told Ameen yes with my big belly and two young children inside. I was in tears thinking I finally got to be with the man of my dreams. Later that week I gave birth to Daniel Kieth Martinez. A healthy boy who was born  to one giant mess of love and
war. Ameen and I had an intimate wedding with no pictures. The love we had didn't need a fancy dress or even a breath taking place. We wanted to be married in Egypt but the children were all to young to travel so we felt best to get married in the back yard where the toddlers played and the baby slept during the ceremony. It didn't take long once again for Ameen and I to be pregnant. I knew that Santos had been wanting to see the kids and now that Daniel was a toddler it would be much easier on me to let him go over there with out me, but Ameen didn't want me to travel over there and deal with Santos while being pregnant. I told Santos he needed to have the funds to buy the kids the things they would need to be at his place cribs, toys, and time to spend with them. He agreed to wait till I had the baby to have the kids stay with him but he did visit them here a few times but they stayed outside and away from Ameen. I was happy to be with him but knew as time went we would have less time to spend together.
I went into labor up in the bed room and had our beautiful daughter Akila but then as I went out to show Ameen I had Akila's twin sister Mandisa. WOW that was a huge shock for us and we couldn't believe we had twins. After they were born I had 2 toddlers and 3 babies I was thinking I would loose my mind but remembered Santos wanted to take his kids for a few days. I had them go over from Monday - Thursday night. It was a perfect break and it was nice to have just me and Ameen with the children we created together. We really wanted to have a boy and felt that trying needed to wait for a little while, but while the kids were with their dad things happened and Abbie grew into a child along with Daniel grew into a toddler and things were starting to look like this was the way things were going to be. When Ameen got sick he wanted to try for a boy and so we did begin to trybut nothing happened. I was sure that he was just to old and I went and got a tattoo to symbolize my children and my love to Ameen. Only time would tell you that I found out I was pregnant WHAT how I couldn't believe it baby #6 was on the way and Ameen was starting to feel better I was relieved to know that I was given another child with him and that I was going to be a mommy once again my dreams of having a big family were really here and true life. We were busy trying to arrange the house to make room for a new 
member to join the family. We put both boys in the same room and the 3 girls in the same room. we then added a baby crib to our room for the infant to sleep. We hardly had any time to prepare for the baby because of me traveling and raising 5 kids wasn't easy and thinking that every day could be Ameens last didn't make things easy as well. I went into labor while painting and had our sweet little Sabah. Having a girl didn't disapoint us it just reminded us how precious little girls are. I was happy that we had Moses because he was such an amazing boy being born in a fire and still being healthy was a true miracle all by itself. Ameen knew his time on earth was drawing to a close and me I had just grown into an adult. He did different things with each of the children including Abbie and Daniel. Then came my turn we spent the whole night together. In the morning while all the kids are getting ready for school Ameen started to float up into the air
and the grim reaper visited our house. The tears came pouring as we watched him beg the grim reaper to spare him more time, but none was given and he was gone. I felt the only thing I could do was throw up, cry, and sleep. Thank goodness for 3 teenagers and 2 children to help keep things in order around the house. I gained a bit a weight even so I hardly looked at myself. I would take care of the kids and go to bed, but both Abbie and Moses traveled to France for school. I knew that life had started to move on weather I was ready or not. Then Daniel demanded me let him live with his dad. I said yes and that's the last I've seen of him. He won't talk to me and when I invite him over he always says he's busy. I do my best but I can't push to hard. I went swimming in our pool to help me feel better and I felt a weird sensation. I had hardly been awake long enough to notice I was pregnant. I was in tears thinking that on Ameens last night on earth we conceived a child. My labor was quite short compared to the last pregnancy's and I was so happy to have another little on in the house. I named her
Neema knowing how much her father lovd that name. Now after him being gone for 3 days I got a phone call that I couldn't believe to be true. An  oppertunity to have Ameen back in my life in the flesh. I rushed over to the Science place and handed them by true love's ashes. Things got a little messed up good news he came back but not how I expected. he was a ghost but I could kiss him love him and better yet our kids could be with him so with out a moment to loose the first thing he did when he got home as pick up sweet Neema and snuggle her. It was a precious moment I will never forget. He told me he didn't want to be back for to long because we all had to move on and be happy with our lives. I understood and told him when he was was ready he could go. He helped each kid with something they had been wanting and even me I had been wanting to kiss him and we did plenty of that. He stayed for several days and then chose to move on. Abbie got married to an amazing man Joseph 
Baker and they are very excited to start a family to start a family together. Moses plans to travel to Egypt and find a life there. Akila is focused on her studies and plans to be a teacher and she wants to have a son and name him Ameen after her father. Mandisa plans to stay home with me and help me raise her two younger sisters as I have no clue what they have planned. But sweet Daniel after feeling that I neglected him he committed suicide and is now found from time to time wondering around town as if he's looking for something. My life has been full of several thing but the one thing it had the most was LOVE!

Please Enjoy Some More Pictures
The first time I saw Ameen

I'm the toddler on the floor with my older sister walking beside me.

My parents and younger brother
Oh the joys of home work :)
Ameen feeling my baby bump (not his child)
Us playing hanging out during one of his visits
Santos telling Abbie good bye


This is the only photo we have of our wedding


Ameen teaching his son Moses to walk

This was the hardest day of my LIFE

We got a second chance

Teaching Neema how to walk

Abbie with her now husband Joseph Baker

Thank you for reading this story! It seriously unfolded as I played and to be honest those always are the best stories :) 

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